Pregnancy Sickness

(This is the second article I submitted. I won't know for a few months whether or not it will be published.)

My husband and I desired children early in our marriage, knowing that they are a blessing from the Lord. After three years of infertility and a miscarriage, God miraculously granted us the beautiful sights and sounds of a strong little heartbeat on an ultrasound monitor. I thought the hard part was over, not knowing that one of the most difficult seasons of my life was about to begin.

I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarium - severe pregnancy sickness. Nothing would ease the constant nausea and vomitting. With that first pregnancy I was desperate and would try anything suggested to me, but you can only take so many ginger pills, saltine crackers, and peppermint tea. Not knowing how to manage the sickness, I just stopped trying to eat since I knew it would come back up anyhow. This landed me in the hospital twice, followed by a few weeks on IVs at home. I tried to deal with everything myself, rarely asking God for help. After all, He had caused me to have so much trouble conceiving; shouldn't he owe it to me to have an easy, happy pregnancy? The sickness never completely abated but did ease some in my late second trimester. My beautiful daughter was born in September of 2002. The awful sickness slowly became a distant memory, replaced by the joy of her little face.

Surprisingly, my husband and I both hoped to have a second child only a few months after my daughter was born. Although we knew that conceiving might be difficult due to our earlier experience, we were encouraged when we were blessed almost immediately. But once again, we went through that sad, sad time of losing a little one when our firstborn was barely a year old. Fourteen more months passed very slowly.

We were so excited when we found out we were again expecting! I was full of hope. Maybe the first pregnancy was a fluke. This one just had to be different. But it was not. I was so sick that we had to move in with my in-laws because I could not care for my daughter at all. I was a complete vegetable for about four months, most days not even being able to care for myself. I was weak and dehydrated but managed to stay out of the hospital. One thing I did learn through this pregnancy was what a wonderful woman my mother-in-law is. She cared for me and for my family, never complaining. But I am humbled to admit that I cannot say the same for myself. I was full of complaints. I cried and cried, exclaiming that I would NEVER be pregnant again. It was too difficult. God had promised that He would never give me more than I could bear, but I was certain He was wrong! Yet again, the light at the end of the tunnel came when my bouncing baby boy appeared after only three hours of labor in July of 2005.

This time the memory of the sickness didn't fade as much. I remembered how awful it was and knew that I had no strength to go through that ever again. But apparently God had other plans. He still had more to teach me about relying on His strength instead of my own. He changed my heart and my desires, and after only three months, we discovered that we would be having a third child. This time there was no false hope. We knew from the beginning what we were getting ourselves into. But this turned out to be one of the most growing experiences of my Christian walk. Allow me to share just a few quotes from my journal...

If I really believe that children are a blessing, and I am willing to endure something this bad to have one, then I need to trust God to take care of me and my family during this time. I believe this verse applies to my hyperemesis: 'I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.' - Romans 12:1

Ten weeks of misery results in a 'soul that will never die.' THAT is why I am doing it. It is very hard not to feel sorry for yourself and let the hyperemesis be all you think about. I mean, how DO you think about anything else?

Today the nausea has been almost constant. It's like this...I know that if I actually vomit I will NOT feel better and will probably feel worse, because I will get dehydrated. So I fight it. All day.

An example of a day: I wake up off and on while Kevin gets ready for work and I lie as still as possible. Kids still sleeping. My sister is here, asleep on the couch. Try to get up to go to the bathroom but end up dry heaving for several minutes. Go back to bed shaking, stomach and throat are sore and head aches.

Finally around 9:30 the kids and my sister get up. My sister starts feeding them and getting them dressed. She makes me toast and ginger ale. I struggle to get it down, then immediately lie down. The next two hours are a fight to not vomit. The kids run around me and hug me; I try to respond as much as possible.

Eat lunch which I cannot even make for myself. Fight once again to keep everything down. That is what my existance boils down to...eat and then fight.

Try to nap...I have been getting about 1/2 hour before someone or something wakes me up. Spend time meditating on scripture or hymn lyrics (strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside, great is Thy faithfulness, all I have needed Thy hand hath provided.....He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.......His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness.......kyrie eleison, christe eleison, kyrie eleison.....).

I cannot say that I did not have moments of depression during my third pregnancy. But I was much more aware of God's presence, and was able to rely on Him for strength to endure. And I am learning that it is this way for all of life, not just pregnancy sickness. We are weak and sinful creatures, and we need to depend on God for everything. My youngest daughter turned one just this past week, and I cannot imagine life without her. I praise God for His gift of three beautiful children!

One Year Ago Today...

Here is an excerpt from Audrey's birth story. I'll get the rest copied at some point, when the rest of my journal is moved:

At first lots of people were in the room - Kevin, Mom, Daddy, Mama, and Abby. Somewhere around 1:00 and 4 ccs of Pitocin, Tom, Stacy, and both of their kids came in. Daddy decided there were too many people in the room and took the kids and Tommy out. I really didn't know what was going on. Just like with Owen, I started out by meditating on scripture or hymn lines or just praying through contractions, focusing and breathing to the rhythm of the words. But Pitocin is EVIL and things got really hard and out of control fast! I lost my reputation of being a peaceful, quiet laborer and started crying out. First I told Kevin, "I can't pray!" Meaning I couldn't focus enough to pray through the contractions. The two Moms thought I said "I can't cry!" and started saying "Go ahead and cry!" Mom Hinton was even suggesting the epidural because she knew how high my pain threshold is and it was so odd for me to be that loud. I spoke quieter to Kevin between contractions, "No, I can't pray anymore, it hurts too bad! Pray FOR me."

Kevin was incredible. First he was stroking my hair and face so I could focus on that. Then he was whispering to me between contractions and encouraging me during them:

"I am praying for you and I am not the only one....everyone at Unity just got out of church and they all know you are in labor. They are all praying."

"That was a good one! I bet you are already in transition, at least 6 cm by now."

"You are doing a great job. I love you."

"God is with you. He will get you through this."

"It can't be much longer now."

The nurse checked me at some point after I was up to 6 ccs of Pitocin. I had gone from an unmoveable 4 cm. to 6 in just minutes. Only a bit later I told them I felt like pushing. She checked and I was 8-9 cm. Seconds passed and I told her the baby was COMING OUT without me trying to push at all!!! Everyone started moving fast. A nurse I hadn't seen before stood just inside the door but left when the doctor arrived - I think she would have delivered. I had to wait 20 minutes on the doctor and the nurses all encouraged me to blow through, just like with Owen, but it was MUCH more difficult! My body was just doing it involuntarily. Finally the nurse got the brains to turn the Pitocin drip off - LOL! That made it a bit easier to wait.

The nurse came in and I started barking commands! HA! "Don't touch my ankle when I push, it hurts." Etc.

I pushed ONE TIME. Two if you count that I took a quick breath between head and shoulders! She was small and I was DONE, shaking and hurting..........

They put her on my stomach just like they had done with my first two babies, but this time I took my time rubbing her down and talking to her. They had to ask me if they could have her! She was just beautiful, so tiny, with a little dark hair. She cried some but not as loudly or insistantly as Owen.

I nursed her a little when they were done with her, but then she had to go visit everyone - she had about 25 visitors that first day! That's what happens when you have a baby on the weekend. It was like that with Katie, who was born on Sunday. Owen was born on a Thursday and hardly anyone came. Although I love company, I was thankful when everyone was gone because I hadn't slept a wink in over 36 hours and had been laboring for about 12 of that.

Katie and Owen came up for a bit that evening. It was really sweet to see them with their new sister. Katie was in love and couldn't stop smiling. Owen didn't seem to get it, but since then he has become quite a protective, loving big brother.

When everyone was gone, Kevin and I just about collapsed from exhaustion. But we had our sweet baby, and I felt so much better I was in tears - not to mention the fact that I ate two dinners within about three hours...plus frozen yogurt AND ice cream!!! LOL! We sent Audrey to the nursery for a few hours, and when I had gotten my nap, I was ready to snuggle and kiss her. I am so thankful that God has entrusted us one more little life, and I pray that we will bring glory to Him in her training and care.

Losing My Mind!

Due to slight miscalculation, I seriously thought we were expecting baby #4. Surprisingly, I did not go to bed and lock the door, but I will admit that it wasn't a "happy thought." Not because I'd dislike another baby, but because I have no idea how I would care for Katie, Owen and Audrey for the next four months of barf-fest 2008. I'm blaming this on my friend from church who had me convinced that Father's Day was on the eighth of June. For offertory that week she played "Faith of Our Fathers" and mixed me up completely.

And if that wasn't enough, I put a nice, new tub of Country Crock Omega 3 spread in the microwave and nuked it for two minutes. Sure, I bought it with a coupon and on sale, but four bucks is still a bit pricey. If Kevin didn't have choleserol problems I'd probably just buy something with an entire day's worth of saturated fat in one tablespoon.

I suppose that will teach me to save leftovers in butter containers because I thought it was baked beans leftover from the church fellowship meal.

A Quiver Full?

If God gives us more children we will be having them. Kevin wants at least one more. To be honest, so do I...I just don't want to be pregnant EVER AGAIN FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE. But I have decided that four months of barfing is a reatively short amount of time when you consider that the child you are bringing into the world has a "soul that can never die." Sigh. So I guess I will just tough it out. I am already praying that I won't be such a complainer next time around. And making plans on freezing up some meals. LOL!

Health Issues

I am going to post and run, because I am supposed to have my leg up...I got a blood clot in my leg and now I have to rest. Grrr! I was up and running around because I was feeling so much better than last week. I even led the music at church last Sunday, 3 days post-partum! But now I am forced to rest. Sigh. At least it is superficial. If it were in the deep tissue, I could throw it to my lungs and die. My sisters are coming to help me next week, so I won't be alone. I guess if that is the least of my worries, then I am doing good.

Everyday Providence

This is just to bump and to say that I have made PROGRESS! YAY! The OB says that Owen's head is really low and engaged, so hopefully he will come early. I have never in my life thought that a baby in-utero could move like he does. He is so wild that he actually scared my cousin. She JUMPED when he stuck his foot out!

I didn't get the pictures made last Friday, so I am supposed to do that tomorrow.

The weekend was really busy.

On Saturday we had the whole snake saga. I will have to type more about this later, because it would take all night to tell about the snakes and I need to go to bed. But the shower was great and I got a lot of practical stuff that I really needed. Luckily not too many people bought clothes, since my friend Shana sent me lots of really nice ones.

Then on Sunday afternoon Kevin and I hosted a church fellowship meal at our house. We had around 20 people over for sandwiches (everyone brought food), croquet, and swimming. It was a lot of fun, and everyone was great about cleaning up afterwards so it wasn't much work for me.

Monday was groceries. I kinda go blank after that.

On Tuesday my sister Abby came over and we did the great baby clothing sorting and washing day. Owen's room and clothes are all clean and organized now, which had really been stressing me out. Abby also watched Katie for an hour so I could go see Wilma - that massage was nice!

Then my other sister Melissa came over on Wednesday and helped me clean - she did my floors and played a lot with Katie. That evening, Lee Anne came over and gave me a manicure and foot massage. I don't call her my best friend for nothing!

I have also been sorting out stuff for Saturday - we are having a yard sale to get rid of some of our junk before the baby comes. Hopefully we will get a little spending money from it, too.

Today was the OB appointment AND I got Owen's curtains made! YAY! I have been trying to do this for at least a month.

Okay, time for bed. I have no idea when I will get back here.

Everyday Providence

The Owen Report, Week 36

No progress yet, but baby is head-down.

Weight is up to 151 - not bad! It looks like I won't get up to 170 this time like I did with Katie.

BP was 103/70 and hopefully will stay low so induction will not be necessary.

Swelling is minimal, another pleasant surprise. With Katie I looked like a blimp. The only time it gets bad with Owen is if I am in the heat and on my feet for to long.

Stay tuned for next week!

Okay, one thing happened that made this a sad, sad week. I don't know how many of you know my cousin Michelle, but her mama passed away Monday night at the age of 47 from bone cancer. We are glad she is no longer in pain (which was severe), but will miss her so much.

I already had a busy week going, but I had made the decision to get groceries AND meet with two of my voice students (they are singing at church on Sunday) all on Tuesday and just stay home and rest on Monday. This turned out to be for the best.

I rested and puttered around here on Monday.

On Tuesday, I picked up Abby (my 13 year old sister) and met with my two students, then got groceries. When I got home I found out that my aunt's viewing was from 5-8 that afternoon, so it was very convenient that my sister was already here (and that I had dinner already in the crock pot!). I was able to spend most of the evening at the funeral home, which although emotionally tiring, was not physically demanding.

Then late Tuesday night, Katie ran a fever. She was HOT! We gave her Tylenol and it broke; then she woke up at 5:30 with more fever, which was also taken care of with Tylenol. I was supposed to take Dad for his PT in Southaven on Wednesday morning, but Kevin said that he didn't want me dragging Katie out when she might be sick. Oddly enough, she was fine the rest of the day! And she had no other symptoms of sickness besides the fever! I think that God was just taking care of me so I didn't have to drive so far and then attend the funeral.

The funeral was at 4:00 on Wednesday. I sat with my parents. It was very sad, but nice. What was really weird is that my ex-fiance preached the funeral service! I hadn't seen him since college, and it wasn't a happy parting (not that it was bitter, just sad). So I thought that was going to be awkward, but he did an incredible job. Later at the gravesite, I told him so! And we chatted for a bit. It was good to resolve some issues...not that we really talked about what went on back then or anything - there was no need to. It was, what, over 10 years ago? And we are now both very happy, married with kids. So the closure came just from getting past the awkwardness of seeing each other and saying hey, I am glad you are happy. As he put it, "God has a way of working things out for our good."

On Wednesday night, after the funeral, Mom called and said that Dad decided he didn't need any more PT.

Then I had my OB appointment today, which was fine. And now I am going to make my son some curtains and get the pink ones down out of his room.

I also wanted to say that Monday night and last night were both really nice. On Monday Kevin took me and Katie to Sonic, got ice cream, and went to the playground at the elementary school. It was a beautiful night and we had a great time together as a family.

Then last night we went swimming after dinner. It was dark, and we lit the tikki torches and just floated around the pool. So relaxing! I have a floating lounge that kinda puts you slightly under the water, and I got this great idea to lie on my stomach - WONDERFUL! I could have slept out there, floating on my stomach under the stars.

Tomorrow my friend Christi is going to take some nice pictures of me and my big belly with Katie. That should be fun.

That's all for now!

Everyday Providence

Ugh. I am not sure how much longer I can do this….

I left the house at 8:30 and got back at 3:00, and since Katie had a pee-pee accident in the middle of the night and I was exhausted, I just got up from a nap around 4:00. Now I have a ton of stuff to do before Kevin gets home. So I guess I need to go.

I am just so exhausted. I want Owen to come early so I can be done with it all.

I doubt I will be on here much until after Owen is born. I keep thinking that things will slow down, but I have something going every day this week and had to tell two people "no" to things I even WANTED to do. It is insane. Thing after thing keeps piling on. I have no idea when I am going to finish getting ready for Owen. The only word for what I feel is "overwhelmed."

So goodbye journal and lurkers for the next couple of weeks, at least.

Oh, I almost forgot. My plan to cope:

1. Pray for strength, ask God for help, acknowledge that I cannot do this on my own strength.
2. Rest when I need to rest.
3. Get help. My siblings are out of school and love to come over. The boys can help by playing with Katie, and the girls can do housework and help go through clothes, etc.
4. Organize, prioritize, and plan ahead.
5. Have a cheerful attitude. Talking like the whole week is going to stink before it even happens doesn't do any good now, does it?
6. Don't get into this mess again next week; remember that I only have a couple more weeks before Owen comes to spend time with Katie and get ready for Owen's arrival and keep that on the top of my priority list.

Everyday Providence

Last Week Was SOOO Busy!

Just forget about last week. Who cares anyhow, right?

Seriously, I might be able to think of the more important stuff:

Saturday - We went to the ZOO! It was so much fun. We renewed our membership, so Katie and I (and Owen when he gets here) can go free. My husband is very thoughtful and purchased a tram ticket so that I wouldn't have to walk. I just love him. He is thoughtful and kind. Kevin is a good name for him; it means "gentle, kind."

Sunday - Kevin's mom kept Katie in the afternoon so that we could tour the maternity center at Methodist. I was amazed at how huge the L&D rooms were! This is a great thing since I will have both moms and Kevin present. They will even have a small round table with four chairs if they need to eat or play cards to pass the time. The hospital is very nice and I think I will be happy to have Owen there. The only bad thing is that it is almost an hour from home, so I won't feel comfortable waiting too long before I go get "hooked up." I know some ladies don't want an IV, but I am a wimp (muscle-wise!) and need the fluid to have the strength to push. Yes, I also know you CAN drink during labor, and some do, but I puked a lot when I had Katie, so that wouldn't have worked.


Side-bar:

My Birth Plan

These are random but are just a few things that are important to me. I am also a flexible person and won't be super disappointed if some of this doesn't happen.

*Au natural (again), meaning no pain stuff or epidurals
*If I have strep-B again, make SURE they get the two bags of antibiotics through me...they had plenty of time with Katie but I guess they forgot, and they had to give her shots.
*Mama, Mom, and Kevin all there
*If I tell them I need to lie on my side because my back hurts, Kevin is under orders to tell them I MEAN it. I have a ruptured disk and it really hurts when I get back labor! With Katie I was in too much pain at that point to be assertive, so I just let it go for a while. At some point I must have gotten my point across because they let me get on my side. They just didn't want to have to monitor manually!
*I tore with Katie and I still haven't healed, so I plan on telling the doctor YOU BE THE JUDGE. I would rather not have an episiotomy OR tear, but if I have to have one or the other, whatever looks like it will be less of a problem later.
I can't think of any more right now...

Back to your regularly scheduled blabber.

Monday - groceries and something else I can't remember. Oh, I think that was the day my cousin came over for a few hours.

Tuesday - I can't remember. I just know that Monday through Thursday were insane.

Wednesday - Took Dad to Southaven for his PT appointment. Then he wanted to go to Stern clinic in Germantown for bloodwork. Then he wanted to go to a Chinese buffet. Then he wanted to pick up a perscription on the Navy base. I drove over 100 miles that day.

Thursday - Really can't remember, although I do know that Kevin played basketball that night so I had Katie by myself all day and night. I also remember doing a lot of housework and having to go out to Wal-Mart a second time in one week (I just do NOT do that!) because Kevin's work had a "goodie day" on Friday.

Friday - I rested and played with Katie!

Preserving the Body

At our church we take communion once a month. It is typically placed on the communion table at the front of the sanctuary. There are two plates with the bread (wafers) and one with the wine (grape juice). Then there is a tablecloth placed over the whole thing.

Well, two months ago, when the elders tried to uncover it, one guy grabbed the tablecloth below AND above the plates and almost dumped one of the bread plates into the floor.

So this month, the elders decided that it was too clumsy to remove the tablecloth. Instead of covering the communion plates, they left the tablecloth off and lit two pillar candles on glass pedestals. It was really pretty, if you ask me.

We took communion and then had a scripture reading. Next I had to lead a hymn, which happened to be the offertory hymn. On the last verse, the ushers come forward to pray over the offering, and then they "pass the plate." As they pray, I always go down the stairs and sit with the congregation. (No one wants to look at the pregnant music director for the whole sermon, ya know?). The usher who was praying said "Amen," and there was total silence as I walked down the steps.

Only......I knocked the pillar candle over. The glass pedestal flew into the plate with the bread in it and the lid went flying about three rows out. The candle turned over into the plate, sealing the bread to the bottom with wax.

I calmly put the candle back, picked up the lid and re-covered the plate, and went to my seat.

Then I laughed all the way through the service, thinking about how funny it would have been if I would have set the whole plate on fire.

Everyday Providence

Dad took me out to eat at Captain D's today. That place is a grease pit! I felt sick all afternoon. But I cured it with a good dose of oven-baked pork chops, parsely potatoes, and turnip greens for dinner.

Again, the weekends make it hard for me to eat right, and I feel so gross in the evenings. And I have no idea how much I weigh. I'll just wait until my OB appointment on Thursday.

I am a little nervous about my back. It feels really unsteady, like something might slip again, or like I might fall down. I was really scared when I was leading the music on Sunday, because that would just be awful to fall in front of everyone! So I am really taking it easy now...okay, well, as much as I can, given what all I need to do this week.

Kevin's dad did really well during the surgery. I wasn't sure if they were even going to do it. The anasthesiologist kept coming back with more questions and more lab requests, and then going to consult other doctors. It went on like that for 1 1/2 hours. Finally they decided to go ahead with it. One blessing is that it forced Dad to come off the walker. He does just fine with the cane and probably didn't even need to be ON the walker.

Friday night was really nice with my parents. We were all able to visit without all the noise and kids everywhere.

Saturday was super-cool. Mom Hinton and I went to a luncheon. The speaker was fabulous; she talked about the different seasons of our lives and God's plan for each one. Then we went downstairs to eat. Each table was decorated VERY VERY VERY nice, all with different themes. We sat at a table with three other ladies from church and two ladies we did not know. It was so much fun!

Then she and I went back to my house and picked up Kevin and Katie. Kevin had given Katie four pony-tails - pretty funny! We loaded up and went shopping for outdoor stuff. It took almost all day, so we ended up just eating dinner there.

Then on Mother's Day we had a great church service. Our church is small (maybe 60-80 people?), so it was a real treat to have a lady from the Memphis Symphony Orchestra come to play her violin in the service. Her student Katie goes to our church, and they played two duets and then accompanied the hymns with the piano and keyboard. Beautiful! My favorites were "O Sacred Head Once Wounded" and "All Hail the Power." It was also cool to lead the music with them playing - I had to be extra careful to make sharp entrances and cut-offs!

Kevin's brother grilled burgers for us for lunch, and then we helped Kevin's mom plant some flowers. Then Kevin and I went to see "Kingdom of Heaven." It was good, but there was an awful lot of battles. Lastly, we dropped by my Mom's house to wish her Happy Mother's Day and give her a gift.

Monday - Took Dad Hinton to his cardiologist about an hour and 15 minutes away. He wanted to eat out afterwards and the rain was POURING, so I ended up very wet after getting him out of the car (so slowly!) and escorting him, then Katie, inside. Food was so nasty! Got home around 1:30, put Katie down, made some phone calls, paid the bills, did some run-around stuff with some medical bills that no one seems to be able to take care of (I call it "pass the buck enough and maybe Jenny will just pay full price and not worry about insurance covering 80% of it"). Made out my meal plan and grocery list for the week; went through coupons. Cooked dinner.

Tuesday - Must get groceries and run by the bank in the morning. Going with my new neighbor to the park in the afternoon.

Wednesday - Home blessing (meaning extra housework like the bathrooms) and then take Dad Hinton to have his hand incision checked out at his doctor's office about 1 1/2 hours away.

Thursday - My OB appointment and lunch with Lee Anne.

Friday - Type and run the bulletin.

Whew! I am tired already!

How Katie and Owen Came To Be

Kevin and I were married in January of 1997. We have always loved children and have always wanted children of our own. We finished college and got our start in life; then after two years of marriage we felt that it was time to grow our family.

We began trying to conceive our first child in November 1998. We were so excited! Because I have six siblings I knew that it would be no time before I got pregnant.

The excitement soon gave way to worry. Although we thought that something must be wrong, we were advised that it is not uncommon to take up to a year to conceive a first child. We had also heard that the doctors usually won't see you until you have tried for a year and then they usually suggest charting (which I was already doing, so I would be "one up" on that doctor!). After the first full year, I made an appointment with my OB/GYN to see if he could help us.

The OB/GYN ordered routine exams for Kevin and me. All my tests came back fine. Kevin's test came back with slight problems. So that was it! The OB/GYN referred Kevin to another doctor and more tests were run. The results came back the same and the doctor said Kevin would need surgery.

Then providence stepped in. The doctor that Kevin was seeing dropped our insurance. We had to find another one and when we did, he was wonderful! He was very thorough and insisted on having Kevin do more testing, which ruled out the surgery. We were thrilled at the good news, but also devastated because of all the wasted time. Plus we were now back to "unexplained."

So in January of 2001, over two years since we first began our journey, we were finally sent to the fertility clinic. We then both went through a huge battery of tests, all of which came back normal. The RE gave us a 1% chance of conceiving on our own. We were almost at the three-year mark, and nothing wrong had been found. Our final plan was to try a cycle of 25mg of Clomid to see how I responded to a lower dose; then I would have a laparoscopy. If I wasn't pregnant by January 1st, we would give up the dream of pregnancy and pursue adoption.

I never got to that laparoscopy. I took a home pregnancy test on September 7th, and it was positive. We couldn't believe it. But our joy was short lived. On September 11th (that famous day of the terrorist attacks), I got the horrible news that the baby would not live. That was one of the worst days of my life. I was in the waiting room when someone rushed out and turned on the TV. We watched in horror as the first tower was burning. As the nurse called me back and told me that my beta levels were going down, she was looking over my shoulder. I remember her saying, “Oh, they just hit the second tower!” That whole day seems like a dream now.

It took three more weeks before I actually lost the baby. That was probably the most difficult time of my life. Kevin and I simply cried and wondered what to do next. But God and time heals everything. So in November I finally had my laparoscopy, along with a hysteroscopy and a D&C. That was it. There was not one more test that could be done on either of us. That in itself was a true victory.

Then, on December 21st, 2001, I found out that I was once again pregnant. Of course, I had the fear (and signs) that I would again miscarry. Then at 17 dpo, my hCG levels were 880. Two days later, at 19 dpo, they were 2454. We were so thankful! We did nothing different than we have done for the past 3 years.

Katie was born on September 1st, 2002. She is the joy of my life.

When Katie was 11 months old, I found out that I was pregnant again – this time it was just so easy! I announced my pregnancy to Kevin and to my family at Katie’s birthday party. But once again God decided that it was not meant to be, and we lost that baby on October 3rd, 2003.

For fourteen months we waited and prayed for a sibling for Katie. It was much different this time. Yes, Katie made things easier. I had a child to hold and love (and she is so sweet!). But the main reason that it was easier was because of all that I learned when trying to conceive Katie. I learned that God is in control. He has already blessed me far beyond what I deserve. I knew that if I never had another child, I could rest in the promise that He knows what is best for me. On my bad days I still doubted His plan, but inside I knew that He is wiser than I am.

And once again, God has blessed us. Owen Michael is due on July 13th of this year (2005). I do not know at this point if we will be blessed with more children. I struggle with the fact that it does take a long time for us to conceive, and I have a very hard time with my pregnancies. It isn’t much fun to throw up all day and night for 20 weeks, or to be on IV fluids just to live. But I still see children as a wonderful blessing and hope that I am able to be a godly mother to the two He has entrusted me with at this point. Soli Deo gloria!

Crazy Pregnancy Dreams

While I am thinking about it, I just HAVE to add these crazy pregnancy dreams...

1. Kevin was on a water basketball team (church league; he actually DOES play but it ain't in the water!), and while he was swimming around, his TAIL fell out of his swim trunks and everyone was SHOCKED. (And no, I didn't watch Shallow Hal that night.)

2. April Sawyer was standing with some friends at a swimsuit rack and I walked up. She said something and I asked if she was talking to me. She said, "No, I was talking to my YOUNG friends who actually look GOOD in a swimsuit." I punched her in the face. Then I pointed to her (on the ground) and said, "Honey, when I am not pregnant, I look WAY better than you in a swimsuit!"

3. Owen kicked me so hard that he burst open my belly button and amniotic fluid was coming out like a waterfall.

4. (This was the night before my ultrasound...) The ultrasound tech placed the wand on my belly, I looked at the screen, and there was - my brother Tommy. Only he had really greasy hair and was severely retarted. Full-grown, too.

Great, huh?

Everyday Providence

I haven't been eating as much lately, mostly because I get indigestion when I do. Smaller meals, and more of them, seems to work really well.

I did my Prenatal Pilates yesterday AND today! Soon I will have to switch to the third trimester workout, I guess, since I will be six months on the 14th.

I will also be walking about a mile tonight because of where we park downtown to go to the game. Hope I can make it! It is fun when we get inside the forum and they ask us to lift our shirts to make sure we aren't "packin'." The security guard always gets a laugh out of my big belly!

The clothing sale was GREAT. I got almost all of Katie's play clothes and probably all of Owen's 0-3 month summer clothes for $29.50.

Then we had dinner at Mom Hinton's house and watched Survivor. Fun!

Today I have been making dinner for tomorrow so I can spend the whole time with Kevin and Katie. I also washed and put away all of the clothes I bought.

Kevin's mom is watching Katie tonight for the final Grizzlies game of the season, and then she will be letting her spend the night. So Kevin and I get the place to ourselves!

Everyday Providence

Okay, I actually got up and walked a mile, then had my devotional, all before 8:00 this morning! I still ate too much, though. I don't know what to do about that because when I am not pregnant, I have no willpower problems. I eat until I am full and then I have no desire for more, and I don't have much of a sweet tooth. But when I am pregnant, I want to eat everything I see! And I figure if the baby needs the extra weight (since I am so thin to start with), maybe I should just go for it. But I also want to get my back in shape...

I got the filling prepared for the beef and rice enchilladas I am making tomorrow (for the family meal at church). That way I can have a REAL day of rest. Then we went to a couple of yard sales and I got a boppy for $3! A nice one with the toy bar. The one I had with Katie was borrowed, so I really needed one.

Then I went to a baby shower for a friend. I had already given her a ton of Katie's baby clothes and toys, so I bought her some nursing stuff (like Lansinoh lanolin and such). I hope she didn't think I was a weirdo, since everyone else gave her pink dresses.

Time to head out for my date with Kevin.

Baby Weight

With Katie I started at 115 lbs. and got to 170 lbs. I kept most of it the whole time I nursed (14 months).

Starting weight with Owen: 115 again!

Hyperemesis weight: 110

4th month weight: 125

5th month weight: 134

Today: 134 on my scale which makes me around 139 on the OB scale.

Birthday Journal

My birthday present to ME is to start this journal!

First, I want to have a place to post some pictures of my Katie girl. She is growing up too fast!

I also want to have a place to keep up with my exercise schedule. I certainly don't want to rupture another disk when my belly gets really big - that was 10 times worse than laboring for 12 hours with no epidural! And I don't really want to gain 55 lbs. this time, either.

So I will probably start the exercising tomorrow. No, really, it is rainy and cold outside, and I will mostly be walking to keep in shape. Tomorrow is supposed to be nice.

I also like Pilates, but my regular DVD is too hard on me at 5 1/2 months, and the pregnancy Pilates DVD is like doing NOTHING. Maybe I will try it again; it has to be better than doing nothing on those days that the sun isn't out.

I just finished sewing an Easter dress for Katie. Kevin's mom cross-stitched cute duckies on the collar. Katie was not too happy when I tried to take a picture because she wanted to leave for church NOW, not wait on me to take a picture! She loves her teachers and of course, Grandma will be there...