Let me tell you a story about Michael and Sam. Kevin and I met them while we were on vacation. These young men have some similarities but the contrast between their parents is the reason I am taking the time to write this story.
We met twenty-three year old Michael on Monday. He was with his parents, adult sister, and two aunts as they approached the hot tub where Kevin and I were escaping the cool, misty weather. The aunts, sister, and dad all got in and we exchanged pleasantries, but Michael and his mom were having a discussion a few feet away. Actually, it was less a discussion and more like the mom trying to talk Michael into joining everyone in the hot tub. Michael kept his gaze turned away, hunched over, and shook his hands but refused to answer his mother's questions and pleading.
I turned to an aunt and asked, “Would it be helpful to turn off the bubbles? They are really loud.” The aunt replied by shaking her head and stage whispering, “He's AUTISTIC.” This was within Michael's earshot and he was becoming even more agitated. I replied to the aunt, “My son and daughter are also autistic. That's why I thought the bubbles might be too loud.”
Up until this point, Michael's dad had completely ignored what was going on behind him, but the mom came over and began arguing with him. “I don't know why he won't get in. Why am I always the one who has to deal with him?” All in front of Michael. The dad decided to do what he could to help, so he turned around and asked Michael why he wouldn't get in. When he got no reply, he angrily used God's name to curse at his son.
Seeing they were getting nowhere and embarrassed by her husband's outburst, the mom gave up and got in as well. Michael was now standing a few feet away, by himself, in the cool air, wearing only his swim trunks. Again, I suggested turning the bubbles off and the mom agreed but said she didn't think that was the problem. She and the other adults continued to discuss the situation as if Michael wasn't standing right there. She tried talking to him again but he would not look at her, so she splashed him and said, “Look at me when I talk to you!” My heart was breaking but I was determined that if I could get the chance, I was going to talk to Michael! And I did get the chance...
Slowly, eventually, Michael decided to get into the hot tub. The first thing he did was splash his mother. His sister told him he shouldn't do that and he surprised me by quite verbally responding, “Well, she splashed me!” I almost laughed out loud. As the sister, dad, and aunts all began to exit, I turned to Michael and said, “Hi, Michael. My name is Jenny. What do you like to do when you are at home?”
Thus followed a half-hour of wonderful conversation. Michael is a General Studies major at a local college and will graduate in May. He has a witty sense of humor. And he is passionate about video games! This young man knew just about everything there is to know about gaming consoles, gaming history, and individual video games. It was fascinating. Thanks to having a teen son, I was able to follow his chatter and insert a few comments, but there wasn't exactly a lull in the conversation. Kevin enjoyed joking with Michael and making him laugh. Michael's mom, to her credit, stayed longer than she had probably intended. She mostly smiled and watched her son as he talked about his favorite things to people who were engaged in what he was saying.
And then there was Sam.
We met Sam and his dad on Tuesday. It was sunny and warm so we were by the lazy river. The pool water was freezing, though, and we didn't want to get in until it had warmed up some. As we sat there reading, two men walked by in the water. They were either brave or crazy, because it was obviously cold. The younger man was walking about six or eight feet behind the older man, and he was holding his hands out of the water and flapping them, a grimace on his face.
“If you stack two pool floats, you can take turns pushing each other around the circle and whoever is on the floats will be warm!” I called out with a laugh.
“Oh, is that how it's done?” said the older man.
The next time they passed our area, they had take my advice, with the older man on the floats. They stopped and we talked for a bit. In short, the dad was a 68-year-old man who owns an upscale men's clothing store in New York. He was originally from Iraq but has been here for forty-something years now and has worked his way up from nothing to where he is now. Then he talked to us about Sam, his son, who was looking away but obviously listening to everything his dad said with a huge smile on his face.
Sam's dad spoke about him with so much tenderness. He bragged about how smart and kind is son is. He told us that he is no longer married to Sam's mom and they lived ten hours away by car. Sam isn't comfortable flying alone, so his mother often drives him to see his dad. The dad said, “I don't get to see him as much as I like, so this trip is very special. I love my boy.”
Later, Kevin and I braved the pool and saw Sam's dad trying to get him up on the two pool floats, which was no easy task. They were both laughing. The dad said, “He's a big boy!” The next time around we saw they had given up and Sam was sitting up, straddling both floats with the biggest smile on his face as his dad ferried him around. And my last glimpse of them was as they were leaving the pool area, Sam smiling with his dad's arm around his shoulder.
The point of this story is obvious. It was such a striking contrast to meet these two families back to back that I felt compelled to write about it and share with others. I do have one parting thought.
From my observation, Sam likely needed more support in his daily life than Michael, and yet he was treasured by his father while Michael was (literally) cursed. Caring for someone who has differences is all about viewing them as a blessing, not a burden. Their level of abilities and challenges have nothing to do with their value. If they are human, they are created in God's image, and they are precious.
