Tuesday, January 25, 2022

Michael and Sam

Let me tell you a story about Michael and Sam. Kevin and I met them while we were on vacation. These young men have some similarities but the contrast between their parents is the reason I am taking the time to write this story.

We met twenty-three year old Michael on Monday. He was with his parents, adult sister, and two aunts as they approached the hot tub where Kevin and I were escaping the cool, misty weather. The aunts, sister, and dad all got in and we exchanged pleasantries, but Michael and his mom were having a discussion a few feet away. Actually, it was less a discussion and more like the mom trying to talk Michael into joining everyone in the hot tub. Michael kept his gaze turned away, hunched over, and shook his hands but refused to answer his mother's questions and pleading.

I turned to an aunt and asked, “Would it be helpful to turn off the bubbles? They are really loud.” The aunt replied by shaking her head and stage whispering, “He's AUTISTIC.” This was within Michael's earshot and he was becoming even more agitated. I replied to the aunt, “My son and daughter are also autistic. That's why I thought the bubbles might be too loud.”

Up until this point, Michael's dad had completely ignored what was going on behind him, but the mom came over and began arguing with him. “I don't know why he won't get in. Why am I always the one who has to deal with him?” All in front of Michael. The dad decided to do what he could to help, so he turned around and asked Michael why he wouldn't get in. When he got no reply, he angrily used God's name to curse at his son.

Seeing they were getting nowhere and embarrassed by her husband's outburst, the mom gave up and got in as well. Michael was now standing a few feet away, by himself, in the cool air, wearing only his swim trunks. Again, I suggested turning the bubbles off and the mom agreed but said she didn't think that was the problem. She and the other adults continued to discuss the situation as if Michael wasn't standing right there. She tried talking to him again but he would not look at her, so she splashed him and said, “Look at me when I talk to you!” My heart was breaking but I was determined that if I could get the chance, I was going to talk to Michael! And I did get the chance...

Slowly, eventually, Michael decided to get into the hot tub. The first thing he did was splash his mother. His sister told him he shouldn't do that and he surprised me by quite verbally responding, “Well, she splashed me!” I almost laughed out loud. As the sister, dad, and aunts all began to exit, I turned to Michael and said, “Hi, Michael. My name is Jenny. What do you like to do when you are at home?”

Thus followed a half-hour of wonderful conversation. Michael is a General Studies major at a local college and will graduate in May. He has a witty sense of humor. And he is passionate about video games! This young man knew just about everything there is to know about gaming consoles, gaming history, and individual video games. It was fascinating. Thanks to having a teen son, I was able to follow his chatter and insert a few comments, but there wasn't exactly a lull in the conversation. Kevin enjoyed joking with Michael and making him laugh. Michael's mom, to her credit, stayed longer than she had probably intended. She mostly smiled and watched her son as he talked about his favorite things to people who were engaged in what he was saying.

And then there was Sam.

We met Sam and his dad on Tuesday. It was sunny and warm so we were by the lazy river. The pool water was freezing, though, and we didn't want to get in until it had warmed up some. As we sat there reading, two men walked by in the water. They were either brave or crazy, because it was obviously cold. The younger man was walking about six or eight feet behind the older man, and he was holding his hands out of the water and flapping them, a grimace on his face.

“If you stack two pool floats, you can take turns pushing each other around the circle and whoever is on the floats will be warm!” I called out with a laugh.

“Oh, is that how it's done?” said the older man.

The next time they passed our area, they had take my advice, with the older man on the floats. They stopped and we talked for a bit. In short, the dad was a 68-year-old man who owns an upscale men's clothing store in New York. He was originally from Iraq but has been here for forty-something years now and has worked his way up from nothing to where he is now. Then he talked to us about Sam, his son, who was looking away but obviously listening to everything his dad said with a huge smile on his face.

Sam's dad spoke about him with so much tenderness. He bragged about how smart and kind is son is. He told us that he is no longer married to Sam's mom and they lived ten hours away by car. Sam isn't comfortable flying alone, so his mother often drives him to see his dad. The dad said, “I don't get to see him as much as I like, so this trip is very special. I love my boy.”

Later, Kevin and I braved the pool and saw Sam's dad trying to get him up on the two pool floats, which was no easy task. They were both laughing. The dad said, “He's a big boy!” The next time around we saw they had given up and Sam was sitting up, straddling both floats with the biggest smile on his face as his dad ferried him around. And my last glimpse of them was as they were leaving the pool area, Sam smiling with his dad's arm around his shoulder.

The point of this story is obvious. It was such a striking contrast to meet these two families back to back that I felt compelled to write about it and share with others. I do have one parting thought.

From my observation, Sam likely needed more support in his daily life than Michael, and yet he was treasured by his father while Michael was (literally) cursed. Caring for someone who has differences is all about viewing them as a blessing, not a burden. Their level of abilities and challenges have nothing to do with their value. If they are human, they are created in God's image, and they are precious.

Friday, July 10, 2020

I want to homeschool my kids! How do I get started?

Because of COVID-19, there is a growing interest in home education. I am frequently asked about how to get started and decided it would be better to have it in one permanent place than to type it from scratch once or twice a month. This blog post is for Tennessee in general and Tipton County in particular. It is an edited and updated repost from an article I wrote in 2015.

So, you are considering home education for your family and are wondering what you need to do to get started. Might I first recommend that you and your spouse are on the same page? Because if hubby isn't behind you in this, it ain't gonna fly. If you are a Christian, you and your spouse should be praying that this is the direction God is leading your family. It's pretty important.

Also, when it comes to state law, don't take my word for it! You should read the actual law for yourself and ask questions if you do not understand. The Home School Legal Defense Association lays it out nice and neat for you at this link:

 HSLDA Homeschool Laws By State

Now that the fine print is out of the way, let's break this down. To homeschool legally in Tennessee, you need three things. Two are essential, and the third is highly recommended for a successful homeschool.

The first essential is to EITHER register your homeschool with your county's public school board of education, OR register with what is called an "umbrella school." 

Most homeschoolers that I have personally known use an umbrella school, and I am unfamiliar with registering with the public school system. However, if this route seems best for your family, you can call your local board of education and they can advise you.

As for umbrella schools, they are simply private schools that keep up with your grades and transcripts. I believe that Gateway Christian School's Total Home-Education program has probably served this area for the longest. They require you to send grades in twice a year, and they do not offer standardized testing (although there are places to have this done if you want it). More information can be found in the link below.

The other two umbrella schools that most people in this area use are Home Life Academy and Faith Heritage Christian Academy. Home Life is all online as it is based in Middle TN. They require two grade reports a year and do not offer testing. Price is comparable to Gateway. Faith Heritage requires quarterly grade reports, is a little bit higher in price, but offers yearly standardized testing (Stanford 10). It is conveniently located in Millington and has a different accreditation than GCS or HLA. Here are links to these three:

Gateway Christian Schools

Home Life Academy

Faith Heritage Christian Academy 

So we have the first thing covered - don't be truant! Register with your public board of education or with an umbrella school.

Second, you need curriculum.

 Most first-time moms choose an out of the box, traditional textbook approach, like ABeka or Bob Jones. Some of these companies, like Alpha Omega Publishing, offer an online curriculum as well (theirs is called Monarch). You can always branch out later, but with these you can be secure that your child is learning what they need at their particular grade level. If you are feeling adventurous, purchase the book "102 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum" by Cathy Duffy. This book helps you determine your child's learning style, then suggests curriculum for that style, as well as including lengthy reviews on each top pick. Cathy Duffy also has a website with great reviews:

Cathy Duffy

Another great website for homeschool curriculum and reviews is Rainbow Resource. This is my go-to for curriculum as their prices are usually the lowest:

 Rainbow Resource

The third and final resource I would highly recommend (but unlike the first two, this is optional) is a homeschool support group.

There are many great support groups in this area, including Homeschooling Under Grace (HUG), Tipton County Home Educators, Covington Home Education Association (CHEA), and Memphis Home Education Association (MHEA). Most of these have Facebook groups. Some offer activities, some are affiliated with co-ops or teen groups (complete with student government). This is where you get encouragement, have your questions answered, and make sure your kids are "properly socialized" (since that seems to be a big concern about homeschooling).

Tomorrow I will try to post a second article about hybrid education opportunities. You don't have to do everything on your own! But until then, I hope this information has been helpful, and wish you the best in your child's education!

Monday, March 16, 2020

Educational Resources for Homebound Students

A friend contacted me to see if I had any suggestions for online educational resources for her 1st grader while school is out. Here are some of my favorite websites and apps:

DLTK's Crafts for Kids

This website has tons of printables for free! Just be sure your ad blocker is off.

Starfall

This has been a favorite in our family for 12 years! The original content and some samples of newer content are free, but you do have to pay for full access. There's also an app.

Dance Mat Typing

This is super fun and completely free!

Burning Cargo

A typing game for older kids, complete with story line and missions.

Sheppard Software

Tons of fun, free educational games.

Khan Academy Kids

Fantastic free app!

Khan Academy

I love Khan Academy for older learners, too!

Stack the States (iOS)
Stack the States (Android)

This is a fun geography game. It's worth the $2.99 price tag. (There's also Stack the Countries.)

Libby

This handy little app lets you sign in with your local library card and get free audio books and ebooks. I use this app on a daily basis for myself, and my Kindergartener loves looking at picture books on his iPad.

Have fun, and comment below if you have an app or website to add!


Friday, May 3, 2019

How has autism impacted you as a person (not just a mom)?

As April came to an end, I offered to answer questions about autism. My friend Jen is the only one who asked a question - but it was a good one! I've been thinking about it for several days now.

How has autism impacted you as a person (not just a mom)?


My immediate thought was that there are pros and cons. But as I considered these two lists, something stood out. All the cons were from a temporal perspective.

  • I have to sit in the lobby at band concerts, and Kevin couldn't be with me at my nephew's wedding.
  • We have to turn down some fun things we're invited to because of fear of elopement or meltdowns.
  • I am exhausted most of the time.
  • I have to work really, really hard to understand my son and to have any kind of meaningful connection with him.
  • I have to work really, really hard to teach Eli new things and to not regress in what he already can do.
  • We can't be on a homeschool schedule anymore because Eli gets on the bus before 7:00 a.m.
  • Sometimes I don't want to research anymore.
  • Or squirt one more capsule of omega oil on a spoon with applesauce and precariously walk it over to give to Eli.
  • Or change poop. LOTS OF POOP.

There's plenty more, but you get the picture.

  • Then I realized that the pros are all ETERNAL! And they are of way more value than the cons. God has used autism in my life, which is pretty amazing.
  • He has taught me to love sacrificially.
  • He has taught me to never assume and always think the best.
  • He has surrounded me by friends, family, and professionals who love Eli and the rest of my family and are a constant source of encouragement.
  • He has developed His Spirit's fruit in my life - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control - in a way He could never have done without Eli.
  • He has shown His strength in my weakness.
  • He has made me long for His coming, when all will be made right.
  • He has shown me that He is all I need.
  • He has turned autism into a gift. Now that's AMAZING!

(Thank you for the thought-provoking question, Jen!)

Signs of Autism

Today I wanted to post a graphic showing early signs of ASD. But most of the images were worded in the negative. Titles included language such as "Red Flags for Autism" and "Warning Signs for Autism." Descriptions of behavior such as "poor eye contact" and "not responding to sounds, noises, or name" had such negative connotations that it even made ME feel a little sad!

The truth is this.

We live in a fallen world. This isn't Eden or Heaven, and no one is unaffected by the things that happened in Genesis 3. That includes all of us "neurotypicals." Joints ache, teeth are crooked, cancer grows, people sin against each other. As I like to say, "We ALL messed up!" Disabilities are a noticeable form of the brokenness that is common to the human experience. I am not Pollyanna. So much happens within my family that no one outside sees; we share the delightful moments on social media, but not the hard ones. I want to write about those hard times sometime this month, but tonight let it suffice to say that autism has struggles. And knowing early signs is important, because intervention is extremely helpful.

BUT!!!

That being said, my son is a BLESSING! He's smart, funny, and simply amazing. And autism is part of who he is! He sees things from an entirely different perspective. He hears and knows things that I would have never noticed if he didn't teach me.

There's a big debate in the world of ASD. Is it a disorder? ("I have a child with autism.") Or is it just part of who he is? ("I have an autistic child.") Honestly, I think it's both. Eli has autism, and it's hard, and it's sometimes sad. Eli is also autistic, and his brain is super cool! He's amazing!

And in the end, I found a lovely graphic that expressed what I wanted to share. Be aware of these signs of autism so that you can get early help for your child. But don't be afraid if you do observe these behaviors, because your child is AWESOME just the way God made him or her!

Special Books by Special Kids

Today I want to introduce all of you to the YouTube channel "Special Books by Special Kids." Chris Ulmer is a former special ed teacher who now travels the country interviewing both children and adults with a wide range of disabilities. Our family watches several of these a week to learn more about various disabilities and how to best interact with those who are different from us. Enjoy this short video of the Happy Flappy Brothers, Cullen and Chris, who will bring a smile to your face! And then watch some more amazing friends! (Ruby is one of our favorites.)

*Just wanted to add that as I was typing this, Eli walked up and said, "Special Kids. Want to watch Special Kids." He's never seen these because we watch them after he's in bed. Go, Eli, go!*

Happy Flappy Brothers (SBSK)

ASD and Communication

Many individuals with ASD struggle with communication. When you think of speech delay, your brain may immediately associate that phrase with a person who can't say their r's or l's properly. Or maybe you think of someone who stutters.

With autism, pronouncing words and sounds can be an issue. But often the delay is in expressive and/or receptive language. Expressive language delay means the person has difficulty expressing themselves. In Eli's case, he can repeat almost anything you ask him to say. But he cannot easily string HIS OWN words together inside his brain to form sentences. Eli often scripts, which means he quotes lengthy passages of movies, songs, etc. Then he uses these quotes to communicate. For example, if he wants to leave, he may say, "Let's get out of here!" He has learned this phrase from a scene from Toy Story.

Eli uses an iPad with a communication app called Proloquo2go. There are icons with pictures for almost any word you can think to say. Eli easily navigates in and out of folders to create his OWN sentences. For example, after visiting Urban Air (a trampoline park), he spent the next week typing, "Ride in van to trampoline with park and playground."

Proloquo2go also has pre-programmed sentences, which Eli has begun to script and then use appropriately. For example, he can verbally say "My address is 55 Brittany Lane, Atoka, TN 38004" because he has pushed that button so many times he has it memorized. We all cheered when he appropriately scripted, "I need to use the bathroom"!

And then there is receptive language delay. This means the individual hears what you are saying, but their brain is having a hard time understanding or unscrambling it. Eli does fairly well with receptive language, except for when he doesn't want to obey! But if you encounter a person with receptive language delay, you should give them time to respond. Don't immediately ask again, let them think about it. Then maybe ask a second time. Eli does FANTASTIC with this when we type what we're saying into Proloquo2go because he can push the sentence over and over and look at the pictures as it reads it aloud.

There is so much more to be said about communication, but hopefully this little snippet will be of help to someone out there.


Thinking In Pictures

Pictures can often help an autistic person with both receptive and expressive language. Here is a "pictorial liturgy" I made for Eli and his special needs buddies to use in church. In our small congregation, we have four autistic children, one child with sensory processing disorder, and one child with DiGeorge (22q11.2 deletion) syndrome.

I made extras and put them on a table so others could access them. And guess what? They are perfect for the younger "neurotypical" crew! Many kids transitioning from nursery to the worship service can benefit from pictures, too.

Now if I could only get Eli to keep from yelling the next event as it's about to happen...

Temple Grandin

If you haven't heard of Dr. Grandin, please watch this clip. If you are as fascinated as I was, you can watch a movie based on her life starring Claire Danes for free with Amazon Prime membership. It's family friendly, entertaining, and informative.

This short video elaborates on something I mentioned yesterday - thinking in pictures. Enjoy!

Temple Grandin - What It Feels Like to Be Autistic 

Bartlett Pediatric Dentistry

Yesterday I posted a video of Eli getting a haircut. I explained that Eli learns new and difficult things best when we break the process down into the smallest possible parts and teach them over time. Obviously, this is a slow process, requiring much patience from both Eli and the person teaching the new experience.

Last fall I stared at my calendar with a sick feeling in my stomach and a huge sense of dread. Eli had a dental appointment coming up. The previous appointment had been awful, with Eli totally melting down. I had decided to hold him down, which was the wrong thing to do. That appointment ended with Eli stimming on the wall while the dental hygienist (who is also the niece of one of my best friends) gave me a counseling session as I cried. And Eli had not gotten an exam or cleaning because you can't force a kid to hold their mouth open for you if they really, really don't want to do it.

We had such great success with haircuts that I thought it might be possible to use the same procedure for dental exams - break them down into the smallest possible parts, make a visual checklist, and make them routine instead of new and different. But would the dental office be willing to do this?

We go to Bartlett Pediatric Dentistry in Atoka. So I called and explained to Jen what I was thinking. I told her, "I have no idea if y'all are willing to do this, or how you would charge me, or if it will even work. But it worked for his haircuts and I thought I would ask." Jen told me to come on in! I was blown away by this kindness and customer service!

Thus began...daily dental visits! Here is a picture of the visual checklist. I used pictures from Bartlett Pediatric Dentistry's Facebook page so that Eli would see the actual building, table, hygienist, etc. Then I covered up some of the steps with post-it notes. Over time, I uncovered and added these steps.

After a few months of going to the dentist every Monday through Wednesday afternoon, Eli finally got what we all considered to be his first exam and cleaning. They used his own toothbrush and worked fast! And now they let us come in for "maintenance visits" every few weeks so it will stay familiar. They only charged for the actual cleaning - the daily visits were free.

(A special shout-out to Dr. Jennifer, Dr. Tim, Ms. Jen, Ms. Kim, and Ms. Sabrina! We love you all and thank you for showing patience and kindness, all with big smiles!)