How Can We Help? Ministering to Special Needs Families

In an attempt by our church to serve us better, Kevin and I were asked by one of our pastors to answer some questions about our son Elijah. We are humbled and blessed by this kind gesture and hope typing out our thoughts on this blog may help other special needs parents and the churches who love them. 

Q: How can our Sunday gatherings become a more inviting place for children with different needs and more life-giving for families? (May God make us faithful as we have more and realize there are places of service for each of these image-bearers.)

Statstics and Ministry Opportunity

The current CDC statistics for autism rates are 1 in 59. Boys have a greater risk at 1 in 37.

Data and Statistics on ASD 

That being said, it's not an anomaly that our own church body has 4 boys on the spectrum. Looking for ways to better serve families caring for children with special needs is a God-honoring ministry, and I'm so thankful to be in a church that is seeking to come alongside parents and encourage them.

Practical Ideas

So how can a church come alongside a family that is raising a child with ASD or other special needs? Several ideas were mentioned in our pastor's original email. They are great ideas! Sensory toys, a special room, listening devices, extended nursery - these are all thoughtful and would likely be used by some, if not all, special needs children within the church.

However, what I believe is most helpful, most encouraging for those of us in the trenches of special needs parenting is this...

Acceptance. Understanding. Friendship. Love.

Allow me to share two specific examples of the church being the hands and feet of Jesus...

Enter Their World

Eli loves lines. He lines everything up around our house. He stims on chain-link fences and potato mashers. One of his favorite things about church is that we meet in a gym and at the end of the service, he can walk on the basketball court lines. Eli doesn't know how to interact with the other children, but he's completely happy and content to walk those gym floor lines.

One Sunday, a little guy named Anias came up to me and asked, "What's Eli doing?" I told him that Eli likes to walk on the lines on the floor. Anias watched for a few minutes. Then he fell in line behind Eli and began to walk with him. Eli looked back and broke into a huge smile! And as he did, Anias declared, "I'm playing with my friend Eli!" Eli's first friend.

Anias did something we all can do. Each child is unique, so watch. Ask questions. Then enter their world. Do they like trains? Talk about trains. Do they line things up? Line things up with them. Then walk with them and be their friend.

A True Sanctuary

Most of the time, Eli sits still in church for about 30 minutes. But on this one particular Sunday he was HYPED. He struggled in Kevin's arms, trying to get down and make an escape. The pastor started the service and was reading scripture when Eli achieved victory. He wriggled his way off Kevin's lap and made a bee line for the front of the church. Then he made a couple of victory laps, evading Kevin on his first circle. But Daddies always prevail, and Kevin hoisted Eli up and headed for the back of the sanctuary. The boy belted what we call his "Mowgli howl" all the way out the door. "AAAAAOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Our pastor stopped reading and looked up, waiting on the noise to stop. When all was quiet and the giggles died down, he said something to this effect: "If you don't have the pleasure of knowing Eli, you should get to know him. He is a wonderful little guy and we love him and his family." I don't remember the exact words, but it was something that simple.

I began to cry, but not because I was embarrassed. Not because I felt pity for myself that my son has ASD. No, I cried because all week we take Eli out into the world - restaurants, stores, his siblings' band concerts, vacation - and the world judges. They judge Kevin and me for what they assume is bad parenting. But worse than that, they judge Eli. It always breaks my heart to see those looks directed at him, and I'm always faced with two bad choices - ignore them and let them think my son is an undisciplined brat, or tell them he has autism and see the looks turn to pity while Eli is labeled once again.

So there in the midst of my church family, I cried because with them, we are safe. Accepted. Loved. Eli can be Eli without judgement or pity or labels.

Grace Church, you are already encouraging and loving your special needs children and their families. Well done, press on, and may God bless and entrust us to shepherd and love even more of His special children!