Recipe for a Holy Marriage

Galatians 5:22-24

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Young brides often like to try new recipes to make their husbands happy. But God has given us a proven “recipe” for a marriage that is holy, reflecting Christ's love for his Bride, the church. The end goal of marriage is your sanctification. Your marriage will never be happy if it is full of sin, but you can experience true joy when you obey what God has commanded. It is even possible to find that joy when you have married a sinner!

Love

Christ is our supreme example of true love. He set His love on us while we were His enemies! We were completely unlovable, yet He chose to love us anyhow. His love is not based on what we do, or on fluctuating emotions, but on His choice.

Romans 5:6-10

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.

Christ, by his incarnation and death, gives us an example of humility and a love that is beyond comprehension:

Philippians 2:3-8

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

There is no greater example of true love. And because you are a believer, the Spirit dwells in you and gives you the power to imitate the love and humility of Christ! Selfless love and humility are key ingredients to a God-glorifying marriage.

Patience – Longsuffering – Forgiveness

I have a news flash for you. You are a sinner, and you are marrying one! Ask God for a heart of patience when you are sinned against, and be quick to forgive. When you are the offender, be quick to confess, repent, and ask for forgiveness. Never assume that you are 100% in the right in any situation! Our hearts are deceitful and we are often blind to our own sin. Pray that the Spirit will reveal any hidden sin in your own heart, through His word or through the counsel of godly friends.

Jeremiah 17:9-10

The heart is deceitful above all things,
    and desperately sick;
    who can understand it?
“I the Lord search the heart
     and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
    according to the fruit of his deeds.”

Colossians 3:12-15

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Luke 17:3-4

If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Also, when you forgive, you should not dwell on the offense any longer or continue to bring it up to the offender or to others (unless the offense is great enough to require mediation):

Proverbs 17:9

Whoever covers an offense seeks love,
    but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 10:12

Hatred stirs up strife,
    but love covers all offenses.

Peace

Strive to make your home a refuge from the world. Surround yourself and your husband with scripture, good books, or whatever draws your thoughts to God. Proverbs 12:20 says, “those who plan peace have joy.”

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Now, look at all these warnings in Proverbs about a home that is NOT a refuge, and a wife that is NOT full of peace!

Proverbs 17:1

Better is a dry morsel with quiet
    than a house full of feasting with strife.

Proverbs 15:17

Better is a dinner of herbs where love is
    than a fattened ox and hatred with it.

Proverbs 21:9 AND Proverbs 25:24

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
    than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:19

It is better to live in a desert land
    than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

Proverbs 27:15-16

A continual dripping on a rainy day
    and a quarrelsome wife are alike;
 to restrain her is to restrain the wind
    or to grasp oil in one's right hand.

Kindness – Goodness – Faithfulness

Often we think of faithfulness in marriage as being about restraining from sexual immorality in all of its forms, and this is true. But you also must remain faithful to your husband in your words. For the subject of how we must use our tongues for God's glory, I am considering kindness, goodness, and faithfulness all together. Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” God has given us the ability to build our house, and we can use words of kindness and goodness to do that.

Proverbs 11:13

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets,
    but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

Proverbs 12:4

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
    but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 31:10-12; 23

An excellent wife who can find?
    She is far more precious than jewels.
 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
 She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.

Her husband is known in the gates
    when he sits among the elders of the land.

This last passage is so beautiful! The heart of her husband trusts in her. He can confide in her without worrying about what she will say to others. He is well-known and respected; this would not be the case if his wife were sharing all his faults with the neighbors! The virtuous woman is faithful, good, and kind to her husband with her words.

Finally, this is all quite overwhelming. On our own, we have no power to do any of this. But we can praise God that He has given us the gift of His Spirit within us, to guide us and direct us. He has given His church, to support and counsel us and to hold us accountable. And he has given YOU a godly husband to shepherd and comfort you! For that, we are very thankful!